The section of my short story that I’m choosing to look at with a peer review group is the very beginning. The story starts in a dream that the main character is having while he’s sleeping before his shift as a bartender. It is kind of meant to be a twisted flashback to his wedding. The day itself was amazing and magical and thus I describe things like fluffy, warm fog, mouth-watering perfume, and his wife’s beauty. I’m unsure about the future voice, maybe I should just frame it as more of a whisper in his ear. It’s intended to allude to what’s coming next. The tone shifts to a colder and more unsettling scene after he closes his eyes to kiss his wife. It’s meant to seem like things can change in a blink of an eye if you don’t value and pay close enough attention to what you have. Basically, the narrator started to become negative and dissatisfied with his small apartment with his wife because he’d always wanted to be successful and do big things. So, he ended up not appreciating what he had and his wife couldn’t stand it. Once he wakes up from the dream, I’m trying to show how miserable and numb he is as he gets ready to continue his routine. The idea for the story is to make the main character seem kind of bland and then each new person he meets at the bar each night adds something to and reveals his personality. This first character is meant to be an optimistic and naive young girl. It’s meant to reveal how negative the narrator has been and is. I wonder how I could make this more explicit that it’s alluding to why his wife left him. A flashback to her leaving/saying something?
